ADNESS

April 4, 2008

I’m a mix of asian and french and my hair is naturally purple. My skin tends to turn blue from time to time and sometimes I like to dump cereal and milk on the floor and lick it up like a cat. Ow, ow. I like to dress up in a bunny costume and dance up on random people walking down the steet and then take their money. I like money, yay. My mouth is three sizes too big and my hands are really small. I like to eat mold, nummy nummy. And my face is weird because my dog chews on it while I’m sleeping. I have seven toes and my best friend is an owl. She’s hilair. Except she steals from me sometimes because she’s a bitch. So I ripped her feathers off, YEAAAH.

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Cliches

March 20, 2008

I stared at my grandma who had kicked the bucket. Her mouth wide open, her eyes shut, she looked gentle as a lamb. But the funeral was outside and it was starting to rain buckets, so I hightailed it out of there. I got home but suddenly I had a hole in the roof so rain kept falling through so I had to put a bucket under and then dump it out around the clock. I thought to myself, “wow, I’m gonna be doing this til hell freezes over” so I moved out. Then I had to get a nine to five job to pay for my new, expensive house. The bottom line was that everything but the kitchen sink was brand new. My life was turning into a federal case for being fabulous, and everything was easy as pie. I had a son who turned out sharp as a tack and I was proud as a peacock. Until I died a slow death and was dead as a door nail and then the same happened to him. THE END!

OH NO MAN OH NO

March 13, 2008

You may feel a pain in your knees. Your back will probably hurt. In the morning, you may experience heart attack or stroke. Don’t be surprised if your ears begin to bleed.

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